To Car Or Not To Car That Is The Question

This whole time I have been waiting to be able to get a car, but so many road blocks have been tossed up in my way. Between the car dealerships not being able to take checks and me not having a bank account locally to get that all important “cashiers check” that they need, that now I am beginning to wonder….why am I getting a car? Is it because I need one or is it because it is my anxiety disorder and my unwillingness to allow other to help me? Is it my fear of that embarrassing moment when I have to call an ambulance? My fear of being “trapped”?

I have teeth falling out of my head, literally. Buying a new car, plus dental makes me broke. I would soon face homelessness if I couldn’t find a job is that what I want? Why aren’t you buying a used car? Is it that you want the new car to get to FL to get to Keith? Shouldn’t you wait till he is more stable before you harm yourself financially to go to him? Maybe wait till you can live together with him on SSI or working and has his car back? What are you doing? Maybe letting your mental illness run you through fear.

Is there a rush to get a car right now? Can you pull this off without a car at the moment? Maybe the time just isn’t right. After all if he was in a stable place and you moved you could get a cheap used car there. You have put everyone and every thing before yourself forever…are you still doing that? Are you just not facing your fears?

These are the things running through my head. Again, I ran head on into minimalism, survived losing everything…can’t I survive this too? What if I had got a DWI and my car was taken from me for a few years? I certainly would have to deal with that and live. What if I should work on myself first, not only mentally, but take care of addictions before I make more choices that bring me closer to homelessness….again. Maybe work more on your businesses and future businesses to come where this type of choice doesn’t put you in a spot where it is a rush to not be on the street. Are you causing yourself more harm than good?

This is my mind. This is where I am. Only I can figure it out.


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